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Archive for October, 2012

Abstract: There is an inverse relationship between the amount of peace and quiet required for bathroom time and the amount provided, depending on the lengths to which one goes to secure said “peace and quiet.”

If you want total solitude while going to the bathroom with young children in the house, leave the bathroom door wide open. If possible, use the most central bathroom in the house, such as the main floor WC where, if the door is left open, people standing on the front steps could peer in and catch a glimpse of you.

If you would like to be interrupted while on the toilet with an occasional and relatively brief series non sequitur questions, such as where last year’s Halloween costume may presently be located (in April), what makes play-doh play-doh, why corners are so sharp or what are the numbers on the car’s license plates, be sure to shut the bathroom door.

If you would like your children to become bloodied, or at least emit sounds of dying elephants ad nauseum, while you aspire to the sanctity of a quiet moment to oneself in the bathroom, by all means, both shut AND lock the bathroom door.

Please Note: If seeking respite and privacy for a worthy and time consuming bowel movement and the door is shut but not locked, expect young children to enter with their querulous faces at the exact moment maximum privacy is desired. If door is locked, expect children who had previously been quietly playing by themselves to suddenly attempt an uprising throughout the household involving much ruckus, potential injury to themselves and the dog, and general mayhem. It is wise to hide all tubes of glue, glitter tubs and steak knives before proceeding with such a risky proposition.

Read more of Mamá Leche’s Parental Axioms

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