Here’s a compendium of words and phrases that either:
A) never existed in my language prior to having children
B) have taken on a whole new meaning since launching into parenthood
This sparse list is a growing work in progress, so, please leave comments if there’s something you think should be added!
Beet Poop: this one comes from a friend – my children still haven’t consumed beets. Much like the blueberry poop, this refers to the way the color of stool changes with the consumption of copious amounts of red beets. Yum!
Blow Out: a poop so large or explosive, most common in infants under 9 months of age, that literally blows out beyond the capacity of the diaper, frequently shooting up the baby’s backside and gooking itself all over the back of whatever onesie or pajamas are being worn.
Blueberry Poop: this is a little self-explanatory. If your young ‘un eats a lot of blueberries, and you’re still in the business of changing diapers, you’ll soon figure out what this means. Blueberry poops are, well, blue and sort of sandy or granular in a seedy kind of way. They are not particularly stinky, but are tricky to clean up because they crumble, like a good feta. See also: Beet Poop
Booger Bubble: most frequently seen in toddlers, before they figure out how to properly blow their noses or at least wipe them on a kleenex, this little charming phrase refers to loose snot that gathers on the nostril in a thin sheet and bubbles out and in as the child breathes.
Finger Painting: this does not refer to the common preschool artistic pastime, but rather the 20-30 month old activity that occurs when a child discovers the novelty of removing their poopy diaper whilst in the crib and subsequently shmearing it, either in an effort to get it off their fingers, or just in a fit of outright artistic glee, all over the wall / crib / sheets / stuffies / body, etc.